Adapt or Drift: What Living Abroad Taught Me About Growth

In life and work, it’s not the most brilliant or the most prepared who rise; it’s the most adaptable and resilient. The ones who can land in unfamiliar territory, feel completely out of place, and still find a way forward.

Adaptability is not something you learn from books. You earn it by living through change, stumbling through the unknown, and making it out the other side.

For me, it all started when I won a U.S. State Department scholarship to study abroad during high school. I was captivated by the idea of living in a country I had only seen through movies and TV shows.

What I thought would be a fun detour turned out to be a complete rewiring. My life was about to change, and I had no idea.

Adapting to a New World

The first few weeks were a strange cocktail of raw excitement and quiet homesickness. Coming from the fast-paced sprawl of Istanbul, the suburbs of Ohio, where I was placed, felt almost fictional. Picture-perfect streets, backyards with pools, high school baseball fields, drive-thru everything. It felt like I walked into a Hollywood movie I had only seen from my couch back home.¹

Everything was big. Big houses. Big trucks. Big meals. Even the silence was big, stretching out over endless cornfields and unsettling enough to remind me I was far away from home.

Everyone I met was warm and welcoming, but also totally baffled by where I came from. Most had never heard of Türkiye, couldn’t guess what language I spoke, and had no idea about my culture beyond a vague and cliched reference to Istanbul being called Constantinople once. It took a while to learn not to be offended by the curious Americans asking me questions I thought should be common knowledge. For them, I was a rare species on display at a zoo.

Then came the language barrier. I had studied English for years and by the time I arrived, I was technically fluent. But no class or textbook prepares you for sarcasm, inside jokes, or high school slang. Turns out, years of watching Friends on repeat only gets you so far when people are throwing around words like ‘owned,’ ‘sketchy,’ or calling each other ‘fam’ like it’s supposed to mean something. Sometimes I had no idea what people were talking about, and one can only nod for so long to fake it.

Over the next months, what started as a quiet frustration at how little people knew about my culture slowly turned into something else: humility.

I began to realize how often I was out of my depth, stumbling through situations that seemed second nature to my American friends and host family. I didn’t know much about U.S. history, could barely talk to girls, let alone ask one of them to prom, and was constantly lost in a sea of obscure sports and movie references. (I’m happy to report that I still don’t get most of them.)

Moreover, spending time with other exchange students from countries like Brazil, Germany, and Japan also forced me to rethink my snobby attitude towards Americans. Was I any different? Was I just as blind to others as I thought they were to me?

The Pressure Zone Abroad

It was during a Skype call home that I had my big realization. As I shared each adventure or setback with my family, it became clear: while their lives stayed steady, mine was in motion.

Suddenly, I felt that my role in this story had changed. From reacting to observing. From outsider to participant. From snobby to curious.

I wasn’t just learning about a new country; I was learning how to think on my feet, communicate without fluency in the culture, and solve problems without a playbook. Whether it was navigating the school system, resolving a misunderstanding with my host family, or begging for a car ride to my friend’s house, I found myself stretched in ways I’d never been before.

The biggest challenge came when I found that my high school in Türkiye had changed its policy and would no longer accept the credits I earned in Ohio, which would mean repeating my senior year and falling behind my peers. The realization that I lost a year was like acid: hard to swallow and nauseating. It felt like everything I’d worked for might go to waste.

That was the moment something switched on inside me. I don’t remember ever being this fired to achieve something. Not for school. Not even for the computer games I used to obsess over. Before I completed my exchange year, I took 7 additional online courses after my regular classes so I could graduate from my high school in Ohio. All while studying for the university entrance exams in Türkiye (which are infamously difficult), and having the most fun year of my life.

I owe my work ethic to that moment of hardship. I could have shrugged my shoulders and taken the loss, but I chose not to give up. Not if I could help it. Never.

Since then, I’ve carried that mindset with me.

I am comfortable when things are unclear. I don’t panic when there’s no obvious path forward.

I’ve become more resourceful; I’m used to getting things done with limited tools or information.

I don’t wait for someone to push me. My default mode is motion.

Simulating the Experience Without a Plane Ticket

While I’m grateful for my first experience living abroad in Ohio, I know not everyone gets that chance. But that doesn’t mean you can’t build the same muscle right where you are.

Here are a few ways to simulate growth through “abroad moments” – no passports required:

 1) Put yourself in rooms where you’re the outsider

• Attend a meetup, religious service, or cultural event where you don’t know the etiquette.

  Fun fact: two months into my stay in Ohio, I ended up as the chambelán de honor (the main escort) at a quinceañera. That night, I danced badly, smiled awkwardly, and learned more about Mexican culture than I ever did in a classroom. Keep in mind, I had never even met a Mexican person before Ohio. Oh, and the girl’s father was a 6’5” giant with a beard that reminded me of Hagrid. I had never been so terrified in my life. Story for another time.

• Sit with the discomfort of not being fluent in the unspoken rules.

• If you are the most comfortable in the room, you are in the wrong room.

2) Learn something you’re bad at

• Language. Instrument. Coding. Public speaking.

• Push through the awkward beginner phase. That’s where the magic is.

• Bonus points if it forces you to be publicly bad at something.

3) Be intentional about discomfort

• Take on work that’s beyond your current skill set and figure it out in real time.

• If you always say yes, try saying no. If you always lead, try following.

• Talk to people you normally avoid. Strike up a conversation with someone 30 years older (or younger) and ask questions. Remember that you can learn something from everyone.

What I learned abroad wasn’t just about language, culture, or how to talk to girls. It was about who I became when I didn’t know the rules and had to keep going anyway. That’s the test. That’s the Pressure Zone.

Whether you’re 16 in a foreign country or 36 in a familiar rut, the Pressure Zone is still out there. You either adapt or drift.

1  If you are an American and reading this, you are probably laughing at me for comparing Ohio to a Hollywood movie. I assure you, I am not being sarcastic.